Are My Eyebrows Supposed to Stand Straight Up Now?”: A Middle-Aged Guide to Staying Cool (or Not)

Let’s just say it: staying current in middle age is a full-time job nobody applied for. Do you know how long it took me to get on board with skinny jeans?? Just as I got cozy in those it was on to high-waisted “Mum jeans”, next minute it’s flared bell bottoms and the next, TikTok is telling you that if your jeans aren’t wide-legged and aggressively frayed like it’s 1997 again, you’re basically invisible. (Wait—do I still have those in a box in the basement? Probably next to the dial-up modem and emotional baggage.)

And don’t even get me started on eyebrows. Why are they suddenly vertical now? Is that a thing? Is my face supposed to look mildly shocked on purpose?

Every time you open your phone, there’s a new list of “must-haves” and “never-agains”:

• Tapered jeans? NO.

• Jeggings? Still no.

• Maxi skirts? Not unless they’re the right kind of long (what?).

• Long white skirts? In.

• But not those long skirts.

• Dark colors are slimming, but pastels are "soft girl aesthetic," and we’re not even going to unpack that.

Makeup is another minefield. Lip liner is overlined. Eyes are overlined. Everything is somehow more... but also natural. It’s giving “Instagram filter IRL,” and I'm giving “I tried my best with this eyeliner but now I’m just look hungover.”

And the hoodies? Everyone under 25 is walking around in what appears to be their dad’s hoodie from the '90s, looking effortlessly cool. But the second you try it, someone gives you a concerned “Are you okay?” Like, no Brenda, I’m not. I’m just trying to not look like the Unabomber while staying warm.

Then there are the fashion rules no one explained.
Socks and sandals? Absolutely not—unless they’re Birkenstocks, then it’s a vibe.
High-waisted jeans? They’ll contain the muffin top, yes—but also threaten to split your liver when you sit down after a slice of pizza.
Crop top or oversized tee? Depends on the day. And the moon phase. And whether or not you’ve had caffeine yet.

At this point, I’m just wandering through my closet, whispering “Am I doing this right?” and hoping for divine fashion intervention.

But here's the truth: NONE of it really matters.
Somewhere out there, one person decided standing brows were “in,” and now the rest of us are brushing our forehead hair up like it's normal. Every trend starts with someone bold enough (or confused enough) to just go for it.

So maybe that person is you.

Wear what makes you feel happy, free, and like the best version of yourself. If that’s every single hot new trend—go nuts, friend. Be the Pinterest board of your dreams.
And if that’s the bleach-stained tee you got free with a case of Pilsner in 2011... you do you, comrade. That shirt has stories.

Someone’s always going to judge.
If you try to dress “young,” you’re trying too hard.
If you dress “your age,” you’re out of touch.
So, seriously—who cares?

Feel like going you’re rocking the Coachella wildflower look in a flowy dress and a flower crown? Do it.
Feeling more like the lady who feeds the pigeons in Home Alone 2 - lost in New York, you’re one of us.
And if you feel ridiculous? Cool. That’s what changerooms (and return policies) are for.

But if you feel confident, comfy, cute?
Then throw on that OOTD and stand those eyebrows straight up to the heavens, because YOU, my friend, might just be starting the next trend.

Screw the rulebook. Trendy isn’t always a vibe—but authenticity always is.